During my misspent youth I was pressured to swallow mushrooms encased safely in an empty paracetamol capsule.

No ta.

Never ever did I ever touch hallucinogens because just no. I sat in a room with people tripping off their tits all night while they ate tea bags (‘it tastes just like tea!’) and told me repeatedly that their arms/legs/hair/face definitely belonged to someone else and could I please help them find theirs because they must be around here somewhere

Right now I’d say about 40% of my brain is functioning properly and it’s that 40% that’s keeping my feet on the ground while my head spins off above the clouds in what I imagine to be a similar experience to peaking on some awful class A.

The good side is what keeps me going and doing through the haze of insane. It’s why I perched on the edge of the bath while the shower rained hot water down on me because I want to function and be present (physically and mentally), sitting because I can’t stand for long but in the shower all the same, ignoring the spinning and the swirling and the colours jumping at me.

It’s the good side that meant that when I heard talking and laughter and pulled back the wet curtain to see who was there, because someone must be there, told me that I was just hearing things and of course there’s no one there but that laughter’s infectious and hahahahahaha.

Fucking hell.

A few hours before I was sitting on the sofa doing not much at all, half watching TV and half crocheting with a sprinkling of chatting to the husband.

Five I thought.


I have no idea what I was on about.

And then everything went a bit odd as the whole room listed to the left and then slowly back to the right. Everything was vivid and bright and like an assault on my senses. The Big Yellow Teapot sat abandoned on the dresser and suddenly it’s big yellowness was all that I could see and it was terrifying and what is this crazy oversized teapot doing so close to a tiny pink replica of a kitchen AM I LIVING IN A FUN HOUSE?

Five. Five. Five five five five five.

I have no idea.

This went on for a while. Everything was too much and too in my face and my heart was going too fast and I could feel various nerves in my body fizzing and tingling.

It faded, slowly, and I went back to doing nothing while the husband made me a sweet tea because what else could he do to help me?

Three weeks in and I am waiting for the call so I can beg a GP for some help. Because I really don’t know what else to do.