Snow 101

In a ground breaking first I bring you this quality piece of advice. I know what you’re all thinking – parenting advice? Me?! Surely not right? But believe me dudes, this is happening. And you are so welcome.

  • Now say the day comes, and it might, when after days of being snowed in and ill prepared and watching everyone else frolicking in the fluffy white snow that glitters as far as the eye can see, what you need to do is make very sure that your toddler gets a good eyeful of all of this fun. Pay particular attention to their sledges – the toy of dreams, the toy everyone has but YOU.
  • Once your toddler has perfected their ‘guilt eye’, ie: staring at you, unblinking and silent from beneath long curling eyelashes, that’s your cue to buy a sledge.
  • Obviously this is a guilt driven purchase (the best kind) and you will likely spend hours searching for somewhere, anywhere, that in a gridlocked city after a week of heavy snow still has some form of runt sledge that no one else wanted, gathering dust and forgotten.
  • Buy it.
  • Present it to your excited toddler the next morning and revel in the five minutes of excitement that this brings before the demands for SNOW start.
  • Look outside at the thawing snow.
  • Swear.
  • Decide to go out anyway and wrestle everyone into warm layers.
  • Plonk aforementioned guilt sledge in snow.
  • Deal with tantrum while toddler demands it doesn’t go there.
  • Show toddler how to sit in sledge for just enough time for your bum to freeze.
  • Plonk toddler in sledge.
  • Spend 20 minutes desperately explaining to toddler that mummy needs to hold the rope to pull the sledge and if toddler insists on holding rope herself while sat comfortably in sledge whilst yelling GO and PULL and other demands we will get nowhere.
  • Give in and hunt for more rope.
  • Obviously there won’t be more rope so use a length of wool and tie to sledge handles.
  • Pull toddler along street using embarrassing makeshift wool pulling device.
  • Stop for tantrum because toddler wants to walk now.
  • Repeat previous two steps times a million.
  • Find a small slope.
  • Fall over times a million trying to get to the top.
  • Sit in sledge on cusp of slope with excited child.
  • Push off.
  • Get pelted in the face by tiny fists half a second into the glorious descent down slope when toddler decides that she wants to get out to walk.
  • Pick up sledge and screaming toddler and precariously pick your way over the icy roads until you are home, covered in snot and with wet feet, numb hands and a toddler who is so wound up she spends the next ten minutes slamming doors.
  • Pat yourself on the back for a job well done.