Think

To whoever climbed the green, slippery wood of my garden gate to prise the reflector panels from the back of the car for whatever reason, cheers. That was pretty selfish really wasn’t it? Pointless too, unless you’re planning on stealing our car tiny piece by tiny piece, in which case, good luck to you.

Selfish is the idiot who pushed my three year old out of the way in the supermarket so that he could get the last four bagels from the shelf before I got my hands on them, the people who drop their rubbish all over the street rather than making a vague effort to find a bin, people who don’t clean up after their dogs, who lie, who refuse to give up their seat on the bus for an elderly woman.

The politicians who show lack of compassion and understanding with every single cut that they make, every figure that they skew, the people who cut queues and climb into the taxi you just flagged down, three year olds…All selfish.

If there is one thing that I have learned in my life, it’s not to judge. Because that person who just pushed into the twenty deep queue that hasn’t moved in hours could be a total dick or they could have their own stuff going on, their own reasons for their actions. So could anyone. We’re all human and we’re all shockingly quick to judge at times, and as much as I seethe or wince when someone commits some heinous act of selfishness I know that I don’t know them or their stories and so proffer the benefit of the doubt carry on with my life.

When someone lays in a hospital bed or a care home or in their families arms or on cold concrete, as they close their eyes and exhale the last exhale of their life, it is the least selfish thing. Everyone who dies has lived; everyone has battled or suffered or fought or tried. Laughed, cried, and dreamed.

It’s still easier isn’t it? To accept that physical illness can kill.

Suicide isn’t a choice. It’s something that happens because a disease has consumed your whole body and mind and emotionally, physically, there is no way that you can continue to exist. There is no choosing to die or cowardliness or selfishness, just inevitability and necessity, an illness that like many others, that has proved fatal.

The very nature of death is that it leaves people behind; people who have to grieve and pick up the pieces and to try to keep going without someone that they love deeply. However death finds someone, that is what it leaves in its wake, whether it comes suddenly or unexpectedly or after years and years of pain.

So, you know what? To all of the people who have ever commented ‘selfish cow’ or ‘how could they?’ about someone who has lost their lives to suicide, remember that that person was a human with an illness and a favourite pair of shoes and excruciating pain and a favourite song and the total inability to breathe another breath.